Masturbation Myths

By Guest Contributor, Sacha Rockliffe

I am a BIG fan of masturbation. Can you think of a better sleep aid, stress reliever, and menstrual cramps remedy that also brings you immense pleasure? (I’ll wait…) Unfortunately, there are a lot of myths and misinformation out there about female masturbation, which prevents many of us from embracing this no cost, cure-all activity. There’s nothing wrong or shameful above masturbation, but we’re often taught and socialized to believe otherwise, especially as women. So, I’m here to address some of that masturbation misinformation and replace shame with self-love. Let’s get into it…

Myth #1 - Women don’t masturbate.

Surprise, we do! And if you’re part of the Intimate Wellbeing community, you know this already. Of course, there are many women who don’t masturbate for various reasons (personal preference, religion, lack of privacy, the patriarchy, etc.), but there are also many of us who do. To say that women don’t masturbate is a sweeping assumption, one that is highly inaccurate. Side note: Did you know that the clitoris’ sole purpose is pleasure? We are literally built for this!

Myth #2 - Masturbation is shameful.

You may have been taught otherwise. You may have internalized the message that it is “sinful” or something that you should be deeply ashamed of. As I write this, I am sitting in a crowded public space and I can guarantee that at least four strangers can read what’s on my computer screen. And I. AM. NOT. ASHAMED. Masturbation is normal, it’s healthy, and it’s a beautiful act of self-love. There are ultrasound images that show fetuses touching their own genitals in the womb. We’re born with this ability — whereas, we have to learn to walk, talk, and even breast feed. What’s learned is shame.

Myth #3 - If you need to masturbate while you’re in a relationship, it means there’s something wrong with the relationship

If you need to masturbate while you’re in a relationship, that doesn’t indicate that there’s something wrong with the relationship. What it indicates is your pleasure is not dependent on another person. You have bodily autonomy and control over when and how you experience pleasure. You may masturbate in addition to having regular partnered sex. You may be in a relationship with a partner who doesn’t desire sex as frequently as you do. Maybe you’re in different locations and unable to engage in partnered sex. Or maybe sex isn’t a part of your relationship at all. Whatever the case, you deserve to feel good with or without a partner’s help!

Myth #4 - If you masturbate, it can make it harder to orgasm with a partner.

Many women report that it is easier to orgasm on their own than it is with a partner. However, that doesn’t mean that masturbating makes it harder to orgasm with a partner. It just means that orgasming with a partner can be more difficult (regardless of whether you masturbate or not). If anything, having a self-love practice can actually improve sex with your partner(s), as it gives you a better understanding of your body and what it responds to. You can use this information to guide your partner(s) toward the parts, motions, pressures, and speeds that feel good to you. If you’re someone that enjoys using toys when you masturbate, you can also try using them during partnered sex, as those incredible orgasm-inducing sensations can be hard to replicate otherwise.

Let’s Talk About Sex! Do you have a question you want answered or a topic you’d like to see covered in an upcoming blog post? Email me at sacha@westlandtherapy.com (all messages will be kept anonymous). I’d love to hear from you!